my kingdom for one horse

An intense horse nostalgia is creeping into me. It's been something like 18 years since my family sold off the last of our horses. We had a big herd. I was literally soaked in horse as a teenager. A tragic end to my gelding, Scott, and some other rough incidents snuffed out my horse craze. And my mum's. 

I took care of a friend's farm in the summer for a few years, and got to ride their Clydesdale once in a while, and that was extremely satisfying. But I never had the desire to go back to the kind of backbreak and heartbreak horses can give you.

This week though, at the oddest times, I'll suddenly smell horses, or hear and feel the sensation of Scott's breathing on the right side of my head. At any moment I can close my eyes and remember swimming with him on the lake as if it was real, and I can put my arms around his neck and feel the dander on my fingers. I scratch his cheek then reach up to his ear, which he hates, and he swings his head away with a very un-horse-like grunt he'd make when I was irritating him. And then I miss him so intensely it's nearly unbearable. 

And as I write a fierce lightening is splitting over my roof, and birds are singing from the soffets next door. Wood smoke is coming from somewhere.